People You’ll Live With In Halls

The one you’ll never see

You’ll spot them of the first day of Freshers holding a kettle in the hallway, looking like a deer caught in headlights. They will remain ‘Kettle Boy’ for the next two weeks, when they finally emerge from their bedroom. You’ll never see them in the communal spaces unless it’s 4am, and you’ll wonder whether they’re dead or alive for most of the year.

The ‘we need to talk about…’ lad

He’s in the end room, and all you can hear is the incessant clicking of his various varieties of Rubix Cubes. He smells, but you can’t tell him because he’ll probably come into your room while you’re sleeping and pelt you with his Rubix Cubes, wearing nothing but his dressing gown.

The one who’s never been on a night out before

She’s from a small town in the middle of nowhere with overbearing parents. She’s minted. She’s socially inept. All it takes is a sniff of tequila at predrinks and she’s laying on the kitchen floor telling you all how much she loves you and uni.

The Oxbridge reject

You’ll know all about their application process and their interviews and how they ended up ‘having to settle’ for your university on results day when they didn’t get their grades.

The rich kid

You’re on Tesco value vodka and they’re drinking Moet. You’re living on frozen food from Iceland and they’re getting food deliveries from Waitrose. You get the picture.

The fun one

They’re from up North, their banter is off the charts and their room is party central. Don’t expect to sleep any time soon if you’re in the same block of flats as them. They get on with everyone and you can’t help but join in with whatever it is they’re doing.

The last minute one

They’re fantastic at procrastinating. They’ll spend weeks watching eight seasons of House on Netflix, then suddenly they realise they have 6 hours to write an essay worth 50 per cent of their module. It’s fine though, because they’re fuelled by coffee.

The liability 

The only time they’ve drank prior to university is at a family wedding once, where they had a glass of champagne. They refuse to drink during Freshers because they ‘don’t like the taste of alcohol’. Before you know it, they’re locked in the bathroom for two hours and once you’ve managed to get the door open, all you’ll see is them sprawled naked on the floor in a pool of their own bodily fluids with their private parts in their hand.

The one you actually like

You’ll click as soon as you meet. You’re soul mates, because as Carrie Bradshaw says ‘maybe our girlfriends are our soul mates and guys are just people to have fun with’. Your bants will be off the charts, bouncing off one another’s personalities. If there’s a friend you make at university that you’ll want in your life forever, it’s them.



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